You Think You’re A Bro? Check This Guy Out.

(CBS/AP) PORT RICHEY, Fla. – Police say a Tampa Bay area man ordered a beer at a bar, left to rob a bank nearby, and then came back to finish his beer.

Fifty-two-year-old John Robin Whittle was arrested at the Hayloft Bar on Thursday afternoon, according to the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies say he’s the man who robbed a Wells-Fargo bank branch earlier after he had stopped at the bar for a refreshment.

A bartender at the establishment said Whittle ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes and then returned to his beer. Police say they arrested him at the bear about 10 minutes after he left the crime scene at the bank.

Whittle remains in jail on a $10,000 bond.

For some reason, this guys face is the exact picture that popped in to my head when I came across this story, and bang, there it is. He’s the dude that you’re crazy divorced Aunt brings to a family party to make it look like she has a boyfriend, the type that looks clean at first but once you get him a drink he turns in to Jack Nicholson in The Shining and goes ape shit on your grandma.

Honestly though, is there not a more swag way of goin’ out? You start drinking, decide to a bank and immediately have to go back and finish off the warm Labbatt Blue with Trudy the 60 year old stripper. Gotta say it, this guy is an absolute warrior, he will always be a thug, and he will spread his white trash ways throughout his county.

Merry Fuckin’ Christmas John Robin Whittle, we’re working on your bail up here in the Upstate man.

VS.

Shave the beard and it’s pretty close…

Hahahaha… He Made A WNBA Lesbian Joke.

“A local sports talk radio show host apologized on the air Wednesday for anti-gay remarks he made while discussing women’s professional basketball.

Bruce Jacobs of WTMM (104.5 FM) called two WNBA teams the “Los Angeles Lesbians” and the “Phoenix Dyke-ury” during Tuesday’s broadcast. The teams are actually named the Los Angeles Sparks and Phoenix Mercury.

“My comments yesterday were ridiculous, stupid and amateurish,” Jacobs said Wednesday during a 10-minute apology. “I apologize for even uttering the comments, whether you heard them or not, whether you were offended or not.”

A Facebook page created to “Get ESPN Radio’s Bruce Jacobs OFF of the Air for Gay Slurs” had received more than 50 likes by Wednesday night.

Jacobs said in a phone interview he didn’t think he should be fired.” (TU)

“My names Bruce.” “Hiiiiiii Bruce”

Congrats man, you made a joke about something everyone and their grandma can make a joke about. WNBA jokes are like making jewish or black people jokes. There’s so many out there and anyone can make them. Wait……… Dyke-ury? That is what you came up with to replace Mercury? Your kidding me right… taking back what I said before about everyone and their grandma can make a WNBA joke… that was fucking horrendus! Holy shit… thats like missing a wide open lay-up (better WNBA joke) Bruce my friend… do less, do less!

My biggest problem with this is why they hell are you talking about the WNBA… You have a SPORTS talk radio show and you are filling it up with non-sports let alone shitty non-sports jokes. Listen, Im not here to tell you how to do your job or get listeners or anything… but you might have a better career talking about some NFL, maybe the NBA coming up, College Basketball? Ya know something that people would care to listen to. So you should be very sorry… just for a different reason.

No Way This Happened In Clifton Park

“CLIFTON PARK — A Fulton County man stabbed another man in his stomach Saturday night during an argument outside a rock concert at Northern Lights, State Police said.

Daniel P. Taylor was arrested shortly after police received a call at 9:15 p.m. for a fight outside the live music venue.

Taylor, 28, of Caroga Lake and a 40-year-old Schenectady man were arguing in the Northern Lights parking lot and began fighting, police said. Taylor then allegedly stabbed the victim in the abdomen.

Police first found the victim at a Cumberland Farms near Northern Lights and found Taylor nearby as well.” (Times Union)

Yeah I know I’m kinda late to the dance on this one… just too good to pass up. I’m not gonna even try to make fun of this guy, he just sent Clifton Park’s street cred through the roof with this shit. I’m not entirely sure I believe this story, did the TU just make this up as some kind of joke? This is the most violent thing to happen in Clifton Park since god knows when. Can’t believe Cumbys made a cameo in this story, picture and everything. Wow, this is when you know you’ve made it big time. Just stabbings that Albany Schenectady and Troy could only dream about. All I can say is thank you Daniel, you’ve made us proud residents.

PS- if you google image “daniel taylor” the one related search is “taylor lautner.” are they the same person… or is this just some funny werewolf joke? fucking google.

Chinese Wedding Vows With A Side Of Wasabi Thong

(Reuters) – Chinese police have arrested a man who hired two strippers to perform at his son’s wedding after the performance was mobbed by villagers, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Zhang Cheng, from Xuzhou in eastern Jiangsu province, had originally wanted a band to play at the nuptials, but was then advised he could get performers whose show would have “special features,” the Global Times said.

“After watching the show, Zhang decided it would be appropriate for his son’s wedding and requested two strippers for the event,” it added. “…Barely five minutes had passed before hundreds of villagers in the conservative community were swarming to the venue, trying to catch a glimpse.”

Zhang was arrested the next day, the newspaper reported, though it did not say on what charge.

SAPWISE! This guy has to be voted dad of the century. Nowhere other than Nebraska or any foreign country are you gonna find shit like this. This is some American Pie shit, except in Eastern Jiangsu. I love how the whole village crashes in on the wedding, thinking their Will Ferrel and Owen Wilson, I wish this happened in real life.

Conservative community my ass, you know all these fuckers had a nice fat chubby on during the whole performance. You got Mr. Miyagi waxing-on and off on these sloots, and that little Asian Kid from Indiana Jones with his pants down going nuts. If this isn’t how you’re supposed to party at a Wedding, then something is wrong in our world. Who’s not down for some nice strip action after a long ass wedding ceremony that needs subtitles for even the people at the wedding, honestly how do these people understand themselves?

Zhang Cheng for dad of the Year!

Michael Jordan’s Future Neighbors Already Annoyed They Live Near Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan is currently building a 37,000-square foot home in Florida. The home is going in The Bears Club, a private golf resort built by Jack Nicklaus. Jordan hopes to move in in 2012, but residents are already complaining.

“I don’t know which is worse,” the source said. “The half-smoked cigars in the grass or that fact that he rarely plays without a posse. I’ve seen him out there with 10 people and they’re hooting and hollering. The point of living in this place is that it’s quiet. The residents are seething but there isn’t much they can do about it.”

Come on now. You live near the greatest basketball player of all time and you’re complaining?  What do you have to complain about? The noise? The cigars? You can now be on a first name basis with MJ. Imagine the conversations with your friends from now on. “Hey man, what’d you do today?” “Oh not much, just played a quick 18-holes with Michael Jordan.” Lighten up man. Don’t make him bring Scottie P over there to kick your ass. Scottie don’t give a fuck.

Does this look like your everyday old woman that likes to snip off her husbands penis?

“69-year-old Palm Springs, Calif. woman tried to cut off her husband’s penis with scissors, police said.

Virginia Valdez was arrested Saturday on suspicion of mayhem, assault with a deadly weapon and spousal abuse, according to Palm Springs police. She was released and is due in court next month, according to The Associated Press.

The couple has been married for 32 years, according to the Los Angeles Times.

Valdez’s 62-year-old husband, whose name was not released, called police Saturday night and when officers came to his house he said his wife had tried to cut off his penis with scissors, which police say resembled poultry shears.

“They were more heavy duty than the standard office scissors,” Palm Springs Police Sgt. Kyle Stjerne told the Times.

Officers recovered the scissors and arrested Valdez. The victim was treated at a hospital for injuries and released.”

Somebody get this guy a fucking cup, or a gun, maybe a new life completely. I bet he wasn’t expecting his wife to turn in to Edward Scissorhands out of nowhere, maybe a light nut tap, but this..this is too far. Somehow this pruny old man’s girth couldn’t get cut through completely, he must have popped a Viagra and had a stiff one hard as a rock.  What can any man possibly do to deserve this kind of cruel harrasment? How are you going to attempt to cut off your husband of 32 year’s penis off? You have to be some kind of extremely psycho bitch, or he must have been banging the milf next door.

Notice how the officer points out that they were “heavy duty scissors”, this bitch wasn’t fuckin around, she wanted his cock completely removed, some kind of 127 hours shit, except instead of the arm, its a cock. This is a man’s worst nightmare, this bro now has stitches on his man hammer, that means no milf next door, no bone spanking, he’s royally fucked for a good month.

Have fun with your penisless husband lady, hope you’re in to manginas.

PS- No useful penises were injured in this report.

-caveman

Muppets Accused of Communist Propoganda…? Really?

-Weird News

Dec. 8

Eric Bolling, host of Fox’s Follow the Money in the US, criticised the character of Tex Richman, the villain in the new film.”Liberal Hollywood depicting a successful businessman as evil? That’s not new…” he complained.”We’re teaching our kids class warfare. Where are we? Communist China?”Dan Gainor from the conservative Media Research Centre agreed.”This is a Muppet movie,” said Mr Gainor. “The only thing green that should be up there on that screen is Kermit the Frog.”It’s amazing how far the left will go… to manipulate your kids to convince them, to give an anti-corporate message.”Fellow Fox host Andrea Tantaros also criticised Sesame Street over a recent episode featuring a family without enough money to buy food.”We’ve got Medicaid, there’s a record number of people out there on food stamps… there’s all these kinds of programmes out there to take care of hungry kids,” she said.

Are these people fucking serious? Do they honestly think the fucking muppets are communists? Yeah, Kermit the Frog is the new Mao Zedong, and oh shit he’s managing the Great Leap Forward with Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear. Just stop, stop being fucking idiots and go back to your dildo Eric Bolling. He really thinks these 3 year old kids are thinking Communist China when they see a green frog talking about shit? No, no, just fucking no. Eric Bolling needs to take a long walk down Sesame Street and take a fucking lap. This is why I hate people sometimes,  thinking little kids are worrying about a character named Tex Richman being an evil businessman that’s persuading them to be communist assholes? No, all they’re worried about is how the fuck the characters are talking and why Kermit is banging Miss Piggy when we all know he was in love with Abby Cadabby, and how much longer they have to be forced to watch the damn show, they don’t even know how to wipe their own ass bro!

Maybe we should get our Goober cameraman to call Bolling a Goober for us. Or maybe someone can just smack him around a little bit, just fix whatever is wrong in the dudes head.

Come on man, really?

-comish