A lot of you out there stressin’ over the 8 finals you have to take in a span of 2 days. Some advice: Fuck it, cheat your heart out, ‘cuz if you’re not cheating, your slacking. And also, if you don’t go to Penn State, you can sit back and chill and think “thank god I don’t fucking go to Penn State.”
Mr. Shirts Top 5 Finals Kids
5. Kid who tells you who all his finals went – this one is pretty simple. This kid comes back and feels the need to tell you how his Chem-Orgo-Bio final went like you’re in his class or something. Just exaggeration after exaggeration about how hard it was. “I had to leave like half the fuckin test blank” No you didn’t… and stop telling me you did because I’m never taking that class so I don’t fucking care.
4. Kid who updates everyone on how much he’s been “studying” in the library – “Lib all day today… smh” really? Wow man! If I saw you in-person id probably shake both of your hand for how much library time you’ve logged. Kid thinks everyone’s gonna be impressed my how much he’s been there or where you can find them if you need them. Child please… save it for mom!
3. Kid who complains about finals like no one else has them – this doesn’t really need to be explained. Repeatedly has to express how much he hates finals. Its basically someone going around telling you what 110% of the world already knows for a week. The theme again… no one fuckin cares!
2. Kid who shows up to the final in his pajamas with pillow lines on his face – if this is cool, I wanna be cool. Either its because they truly don’t care or care but don’t wanna act like they care.? Can’t speak out of experience on this one but maybe I should give it a shot. Walking in smelling and looking like shit, sign me up.
1. The Finals No-Show – the ultimate bad-ass thing to do. “Yeah I don’t give a fuck. 8:30 final… fuck it, I’m sleeping.” There’s always one. Most likely because there is no way in fucking hell he’s gonna pass so why show up… or he so smart he doesn’t need to show up and still wind up with a 98 average. I fucking envy that kid… it’s like wiping your ass with $100 bills. Just so far ahead in the game its not even fair.